What do you think?
Few psychotherapists in private practice formally measure the success of their treatment with clients.
You and 19 others are currently browsing this site.
Wait a minute...did you say you're going to psycho-therapy?
Playfulness
By: Dr. Suzanne LaCombe, June 18, 2008.
Updated: October 21, 2009.
"We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing."
– George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950, Irish Playwright and Nobel Prize Winner
I grew up in a playful family. We knew how to have fun!
Being poor, we generated our own good times...like taking a cardboard box down behind the mill to use as a toboggan...or making go-carts out of old bikes and buggies.
I drew energetically from these memories for years and I imagine it made up for what I didn't get emotionally. It was a resource. (In fact, middle class living as an adult seemed rather stiff and boring in comparison.)
But, eventually I lost that sense of play...
Playfulness: you can't fake it.
Playfulness is one of those concepts we're all familiar with but find hard to define. Yet, most people agree that it can be both intoxicating and exciting, that it nurtures the part of us that still feels like a kid.
But you cannot fake playfulness. You can fool others that you are being playful and you can try to pretend to be playful but unless it comes from within, it won't really have that spontaneous quality, that potential for joyfulness.
You see playfulness comes with the health of your nervous system.
Playfulness is a sign of emotional health
Being playful is a great emotional resource. In fact, research has shown that the couple that plays together, often stays together.1
What's even more significant is that play is also very present. The healthier we become emotionally, the easier it is to be playful. Because the healthier we become the more we are present. It's that quality of being in the moment that makes play possible. You see, you can't play anytime but now!
You can't play anytime but now!
As you proceed with your counseling, look for signs that you're becoming more playful. Playfulness is a healthy sign of therapy on track. Indeed, it might initially show up in your counseling in "play connecting moments" with your therapist.
Signs of Playfulness
The best playful moments happen spontaneously. Acting coyly or affectionately teasing your partner might be a romantic kind of playfulness. Surprising a friend with unexpected behaviour is another.
Increasing Playfulness
Some people might falsely attribute a decreasing sense of play to the natural process of aging. Others might say, life and its responsibilites become too weighty. I believe neither of these explanations are fully accurate. It's been my own counseling and my work with clients that have helped me to believe otherwise.
You see, as I proceeded in psychotherapy and as I became emotionally healthier, my sense of playfulness came back. In reflecting over the years, I realized that as I had grown older my nervous system had become more and more activated. 
In other words, it was dysregulated for a long time.
The more activated we are, the harder it is for our nervous system to "let go". This letting go makes possible a belly laugh, or laughter that erupts spontaneoulsy from inside. (For more information on "letting go" see Discharge)
And, when the nervous system is highly activated, it's essentially "on alert". The fascia or muscles are pulled tight in anticipation of danger. Hormones are pulsing through your body ready for fight or flight. In this state, it's naturally going to be harder for you to relax into playfulness. Your brain is ringing alarm bells. It will be hard to "let go".
However, as your nervous system becomes more regulated, it processes energy better. You're not tapped out by the end of the day.
"The ability to play depends on the success of the work beneath, which depends on the success of the play."
"Magical Child", Joseph C. Pearse
Not everyone appreciates the value of playfulness
For many people playfulness was not something they learned or were encouraged to value in their families.
In fact, some have a hard time seeing any value in it at all. They mistakenly believe that playfulness is a sign that a person hasn't grown up. They maintain that a playful individual cannot be serious. But research suggests that being playful is not correlated with a difficulty in being serious. 
[In fact, I might humbly suggest that the individuals adopting this assumption may actually have a hard time being playful and haven't yet experienced the value of it.]
My Personal Musings
Search for signs of playfulness in your therapist. What's modeled in front of us, has a better chance of being learned!
I always felt it was a compliment to hear from my clients that the reason they felt comfortable seeing me for counseling was the fact that they enjoyed my laugh. They said it conveyed a feeling of "normalcy".
Several others were drawn to call me because I had a website called "MyShrink". This kind of humor drew them to me.
Nature never fails us as a guide. I think you'll enjoy the external resources below.
Notes
1Dr. John Gottman is famous for his research on couples. He could predict with a certain amount of accuracy which couples were going to stay together. He coded and analyzed hours and hours of videotaped interactions between couples over holiday weekends where he put them up in a condo for free. He found that couples who are playful have a better chance of staying together than those who could not play especially during times of conflict.
Playfulness between two partners--even in times of tension--can soothe the inevitable hurts and misattunements.
Related Topics
External Resources
Gotta see this: Animals at Play slide show. Notice the non-verbal language. (we're wired to notice too...we just don't pay attention to it).
Patterns of Play Different ways humans and mammals play. Top of the list? Attuned play...well how 'bout that!
Adults at Play The Burning Man Festival 2007 Photos (great example of pretend / creative play)
Here's a list of upcoming workshops at the Human Potential Center. Someone has a sense of humour over there. Be sure to try their 'self-esteem' generator.
Fresca (USA)
I'm a singer and I wrote a blog post today about losing my playfulness, and how I thought it was important to become playful again in my singing practicing. I googled "how to become more playful" and found your article. It was great to read, but I was not so happy to hear that it's not something that can be faked and is a sign of emotional health. That kind of means it's going to be a byproduct of getting other things right, and that's a bit harder than I thought it was going to be.
Fresca
Hi Fresca, not to worry. Yes, that's the bad news, playfulness needs a regulated nervous system. Here's the thing though that you might find useful. If you do indeed embark on a journey towards greater playfulness, you will find that your singing may expand as well.
It's pretty hard to be out there with our voice if the hook ups aren't set up from the inside out. In other words, creativity whether from singing or playing is a right brain activity and the more that we are open, the more vibrant our experiences.
So sing on my dear,
Shrinklady
Attachment Girl (Syracuse, NY, USA)
Shrinklady, I loved this article! The pictures of the husky and polar bear were amazing and I definitely think I'll be signing up for some of those workshops. : ) BTW, I remember reading an article a few years ago, unfortunately can't recall the magazine, in which they had done a study that the more playful the person, the more productive they were at work. Thanks!
Attachment Girl
Scott
We really enjoyed this! And great pics... very interesting...will 'look' at more another time... Super
...and i see you quoted some important people ! :P S
Scott
Don't lose track! Add to your FAV bookmarks: