A Family Therapy Approach

Corinne approached me a while back asking if she could contribute to MyShrink and I was delighted. And when I learned she did family therapy . . . well I jumped on that one pretty fast. 

Family therapists - in my view - are hard to find. Lots of therapists do indivdual therapy or even couples work, but there are relatively few experienced family therapists. Basically it's because this kind of practice requires a level of training and sophistication that's hard to come by.

So what does a family therapy approach look like? What's a typical problem that's encountered in family therapy? These are questions this article attempts to answer.

And by the way, look for the "post a question" section at the end. Corinne has generously given her time to answer some questions.

How Family Therapy Works

By: Corinne Scholtz MFT
Reviewed by: Dr. Suzanne LaCombe

Here's a real live example that's typical for how a family therapist might approach a problem. All the names have been changed to protect confidentiality.

Case Description

A family with two young children, Sean age 5 and Alexandra, age 3, seeks therapy after noticing new and different behaviors by Sean.

Mom and Dad notice that lately he has shown a tendency to become angry with his little sister and to act out his frustrations by yelling, hitting, and sometimes biting. Sean’s schoolteacher reports that Sean acts very shy around his classmates except when he becomes bothered or frustrated – then he may hit the other child.

Mom and Dad are concerned and they argue over the best way to handle Sean’s behaviors. On a referral by a close friend, they decide to call a local and respected Family Therapist. Being curious about family therapy, these are some of the questions they ask during the initial phone call:

1. How long will the session be?

The typical session lasts fifty minutes.

2. Do you have experience in dealing with young children?

Depending on the practitioner, this could be answered in many ways. Make sure that your therapist is comfortable working with families with young children.

3. Do you need to meet with all of us at the same time?

Sometimes the therapist will meet with the entire family, and at other times will see the parents or the children alone. This will depend on the goals determined for treatment. A lot can be gained by meeting with the entire family for a few sessions.

4. How soon will the situation start to look better?

Among other things, this will depend on the kind of issues facing the family and the therapeutic goals they have agreed upon. For some people things begin to change with the first phone call!

5. How many sessions will be necessary?

Many family therapists are able to help their clients to substantially meet their goals in about twenty sessions.

Questions asked by the therapist during the first session:

To Mom and Dad separately:

1. How would you describe the problem?

From this the therapist learns that Dad feels Sean’s behavior is a response to Mom going back to work. Mom says that she thinks Dad is too rough when disciplining Sean and needs to go easier on him.

2. What effect do you see this having on the family?

Dad and Mom both state that they are tired and stressed and dislike the arguing that is taking place between them. Mom has started to feel guilty about her time away from the family and Dad is growing impatient with Sean.

Since Mom perceives Dad as being too rough, she tries to be more nurturing with Sean, but this causes more conflict with her husband, who thinks Sean is being babied.

3. When did these behaviors start to appear?

Sean’s behaviors started about 4 months ago when he began kindergarten.

4. What is different this time?

We learn that Sean used to spend every day with his mom and little sister. Once he started school, mom decided to go back to work and put Alexandra into daycare.

Over the course of therapy, Mom and Dad realize that the family's stress is related to mom returning to work, Sean beginning school, and Alexandra going to daycare.

Mom, Dad and the therapist eventually gain some insight into their predicament and come up with a strategy:

• They realize that there are life cycle issues that occur in all families and that they must find a way to be flexible and to change.
• They learn that they need to talk to each other instead of arguing about Sean’s behavior; they agree that from now on they'll handle the situation as a team. As a result of strengthening the parental unit, Sean escapes being in the middle of his parents arguments.
• They learn that Sean acting nicely around his sister is as deserving of attention as when he is acting badly. They agree to set consistent consequences for Sean's inappropriate behavior but also to observe and acknowledge with positive feedback when Sean treats another nicely.
• They acknowledge that validating Sean’s frustrations, recognizing his triggers and creating other options for dealing with times of anger is a possible goal for therapy as well.
• They also agree to create time with each other that doesn’t revolve around daily tasks.

Related Topics

Becoming a Family Therapist

Family Therapist - Corinne Scholtz MFT

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