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Present Moment
Updated: April 30, 2009.
One of the fastest ways--possibly the only way--to engage the brain in changing any behaviour or emotion is to stay in the present moment. Being present means being fully engaged in the moment with all your senses attuned to the here and now. You are neither dreaming of the future nor regretting the past. You are in the moment.
And, being increasingly present to our everyday life is one of the least mentioned yet most beneficial outcomes of psychotherapy.
Here is a easy way of understanding it.
Have you ever been in a rush to get somewhere only to arrive, sit down, but not feel as if you are actually there? It's as if you have physically arrived but your mind is still in the parking lot. This is what it feels like when you are not present - your mind is too distracted to fully take in the moment.
Another way of describing presence is via the senses. All five senses are receptive to experience: taste, smell, hearing, touch and sight. Staying in the present moment also means noticing bodily sensations such as heart rate, your breath, the tightness in your muscles, the state of your gut (i.e., stomach gurgling), and many other body signals we usually ignore.
A "moment" is 1-10 seconds long.
Dr. Daniel Stern, author of The Present Moment calculates that a present moment is 1-10 seconds long. He explains that being present gives us the richness in life, like those few seconds when we catch a friend's eye in a moment of knowingness. He says our capacity for being present allows us take in a sunset, catch the scent of a spring flower or perceive the irony in a moment of laugher.
No one imagines that a symphony is supposed to improve in quality as it goes along, or that the whole object of playing it is to reach the finale.
The point of music is discovered in every moment of playing and listening to it.
It is the same, I feel, with the greater part of our lives, and if we are unduly absorbed in improving them we may forget altogether to live them.
Alan Watts
How does psychotherapy increase consciousness?
When clients arrive for their appointment and jump into a description of the latest news without first having made solid contact with me (one that contains a feeling of presence), I always draw it to their attention.
I know that unless they are in the moment with me, instead of in their "event", their mind will be less open to change. Venting or emptying out will be just that…a sort of 'spill your beans' session with no opportunity to reset the neuropathways in the brain.
Let's say my client has been talking for a few minutes about a difficult subject. Suddenly she changes the topic. When I respond with, "what just happened?" I am attempting to bring awareness of her actions into the present moment.
I might also deepen the moment by asking what she is feeling inside. In somatic therapy, I would draw attention to what sensations she might be feeling in her body.
Sidebar
And, by the way, in this example, I have interrupted the patterned way that she responds to emotional distress. As you might guess, by drawing her attention to it, I have increased the probability that she might recognize this in future.
But not only that, by interrupting this patterned response there's now a greater chance that the nervous system will respond differently next time.
Being present "interrupts the procedure".
For much of our day our patterned behaviours are pretty much as the day before...personal hygiene, preparing meals, going off to work, meeting in the lunch room, coming home, watching television. We give little thought to them, we do them automatically.
Present moments interrupt these automatic behaviours. Present moments allow us to drink in life. They give us a presence of mind. As Dr. Scaer author of The Trauma Spectrum explains, "the mind exists in the present moment."
Counseling Tip
Bottom line, you can't take in what counseling has to offer unless you're there to take advantage of it!
It's unlikely that you're using the power of the present moment in your therapy if you're moving immediately from one story after another. Staying in the present means you are giving yourself plenty of time to process how and what you're saying and bringing your feelings associated into the present.
Being present is a concept that most of us are familiar with but we don't know we know…if you know what I mean! When it is brought to our attention most people recognize the difference between being present and not being present.
My Personal Musings
My own counseling has largely been responsible for my growing capacity for having more present moments. With each year that passes I feel I am more conscious, more aware. In any given moment (at least most of the time!) I am able to take in more information which naturally improves the decisions I make and adds color and depth to my life.
How does being present relate to counseling?
References
Scaer, Rober, C. (2005). The Trauma Spectrum. New York: W.W. Norton & Company.
Stern, Daniel (2004). The Present Moment in Psychotherapy and Everyday Life. New York: W.W. Norton & Company.
Related Topic
Further Reading for Psychotherapists
Fosha, Diana (2000). The Transforming Power of Affect : A Model for Accelerated Change. Behavioral Sciences Research Press.
While Dr. Fosha only writes of the therapist's presence, many of her case examples call for presence on the part of the client in the way we have described above.
Notes:
Your present state is marked by receptivity. You experience "receptive awareness" (Daniel J. Siegel, in press).
'Being present', as Daniel Stern describes it, is a state of "awareness now, during the moment being lived" (The Present Moment, 2004 pg. 32).
Looking a for a little inspiration?
Check out the poems in Inspiring Poems for Depression
William (quebec, canada)
I have trouble finding the present moment since I have stopped smoking weed on a regular base. My parents divorce in 2002 and since then my addiction to marijuana was very high. I guess I didn't want to accept the fact that they were not together anymore.
Also, I lost four school years because of that. Except, I quit smoking for a year now and I have trouble finding the present moment. I am going 22 in august and I don't know what I have.
William
Nancy
I know I need to "get in touch with myself". As you describe, my mind is still in the parking lot.
That is exactly how I feel when I arrive for therapy. I have been racing around trying to take care of others, then do my job and my mind is still full speed ahead mode when I arrive. I talk about work or my concern about my family. There is no slowdown, no pause. I am functioning on the same level in therapy as when I first woke up that morning.
People think I am very strong, but its easy to be strong when nothing sinks in. I divorced my second husband about a year ago and I hadn't really grieved the end of our relationship or the fact that 2 of my children (first marriage) were diagnosed with bpd just before the divorce. I have been busy proving we would be fine. It wasn't until my ex-husband was accidentally killed recently that the loss of the relationship came rushing in.
I know I am flatlining. I am not there during therapy to make any progress. I am strongly considering finding another therapist. She was a wonderful help through marriage counseling and divorce, and it scares me to think of ending the relationship, but I have been seeing her over a year with little change. I don't think I would feel safe opening up to her now, even if I were in that frame of mind. If she made a negative comment to something I decided to share, I would be destroyed. I would like to see life in full color.
Nancy
Helen (NJ, USA)
Mary's comments and and your response, Shrinklady, spoke to me. I can relate to what Mary calls flatness. My husband (a recovering alcoholic) tells me that I have a limited range of emotions, and I am just beginning to see why this is so. It is hard to feel things when I've become such an expert at turning off the emotions (unconsciously). I am in therapy (childhood trauma) with a kind PsyD who explains things much like you do, Shrinklady.
A hurtful situation occured today and instead of being my usual Scarlet O'Hara (in GONE WITH THE WIND), I caught myself turning off my hurt feelings. (in the final scene - she says "I'll think about this tomorrow"). This is how I've always dealt with hurt, block it out, don't feel, don't process. Today was different- I stepped back and allowed myself to feel hurt. Not a good feeling, but certainly the awareness was an AH-HA moment. I think this is what you are talking about by being present, yes?
Helen
Wow, Helen, that's a terrific example. Yes, exactly. You became present to your feelings.
I know there's pain in this journey yet I'm really happy for you. As I described above, in time, your nervous system will learn to manage a wider range of emotion. And even though it starts out with pain, as this journey unfolds, I know that you will find more joy. Scarlet O'Hara no more!
All the best on your journey Helen,
Shrinklady
mary (madison, usa)
This is the first site that I have found that explains my "flatness". I was married at 20 to a man with, what I finally found out was bpd. I divorced him after 35 years. Our son is an alcoholic. I was his worst enabler. Now I'm in a great relationship and still feel nothing.
I am trying to find out how to heal myself. I hold a managerial job at which I am very good, am on Paxil, and only feel "feelings" in relationship to animals, esp. my dog. What to do. HYTSZ
Mary
Hello Mary, I can appreciate the challenge you face. I started from the same place i.e. being able to feel only for my dog, Lady. As you know, the "flatness" you experience is a common reaction to being traumatically hurt. It's a way to contain the underlying emotional charge.
My guess is that your troubles didn't just start with your ex-husband with BPD. The fact that you gravitated to him and didn't see the red flags suggests that you weren't very present at the time you met him. This is how being more present in our lives aids us. It helps us to reflect on our lives because it knits together experiences that are being lived in the moment.
In order for you to continue your healing, you'll need a safe relationship similar to the one you have with your pet. That's why you are able to feel for your pet, because it's safe.
We learn to feel through relationships no matter if they be our pets, our friends or our partners. We all affect each other and the more significant the relationship the more its potential for being an agent of change. This might mean taking emotional risks with your current partner and being increasingly honest about yourself.
Many folks find however that their emotional baggage impacts their relationships making it difficult to find the depth of safety required. For this reason, I believe therapy is a better alternative to healing. Because of its unique boundaries, it is usually a safer relationship than with our chosen partner. And, with the right therapist, therapy speeds up the process of healing. The benefits will inevitably spill over into your relationship with your partner making it stronger and more fulfilling.
A good therapist can also help you experience the present, bringing awareness to the here and now. As you may have guessed reading the article above, the more emotional baggage we're carrying around the less we tend to experience the present. But it's the present moment that gives us the quality in our lives. This is also what we believe is needed to change how your brain responds in relationships.
As you feel better, your therapist can also help you come off Paxil. Whenever your nervous system is dealing with an antidepressant, it's harder for it to learn new ways of being. Paxil restricts your range of affect--that's its job. However, you need this range so your nervous system can learn to tolerate different emotions--both the good and not-so-good.
All the best Mary on your healing journey,
Shrinklady
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