"Getting snowed under with Christmas advice?"

Now that we're fully into the holiday season we're seeing lots of articles about how to survive the rush of Xmas shopping, office parties, and family dinners. Many advise us to take advantage of the opportunities for reconnecting with significant others, deepening relationships that have been ignored, or making new ones.

The general idea is sound, for there is a ton of research that says social support, i.e. satisfying relationships with family, friends and community, is almost a guarantee of a longer and happier life. In contrast, a lack of social support is tied with smoking as a risk factor for heart disease.

The explanation appears to be that connecting with others helps reduce excess levels of stress by reducing its adverse effects on the arteries and immune system. In addition, caring behavior may stimulate a type of hormonal activity that counters stress.

There's a catch to this advice, however.

All these articles presume that you're able to make and sustain the kind of social connections which will ultimately provide these healthy effects. But if you're familiar with the articles in MyShrink you'll realize that our emotional template may just not be up to negotiating the complexities of many and varied relationships.

If your emotional template isn't ready then attempting to put this advice into practise may simply increase your activation and likely just end in disappointment and frustration.

What's a person to do?

Ideally, the holidays are all about bringing joy to the people you care about. My recommendation is to choose your connections wisely. Consider those people you enjoy being around and make it your priority to spend some time with them. As you might guess, this may or may not include family members.

Use your connections with the people you select as a buffer against time spent with those you favour less.

If you are in therapy take heart in the knowledge that you are already learning to deepen your connection with others through the therapeutic relationship.

If only we could give someone the benefit of therapy - now that would be the gift that keeps on giving!